I’ve been feeling completely surrounded by cancer. It’s personally draining, spiritually testing, and emotionally tiring. I’m so surrounded that I was up at 3AM this morning, wide awake, just thinking. Thinking of the cancer that took over the brain of a young mother, took her life, and left behind a one-year-old little girl and a grieving husband. Maybe it’s the fact that I myself lost my mother to cancer when I was 8 years old – but I just can’t get that little girl out of my head.
A few weeks ago we learned of a friend who’d fought an amazingly heroic battle against lung cancer but just didn’t overcome it physically. He left behind 2 sons and a daughter. I know that I know that I know I serve a loving God, and I’m so in love with Him. I know His heart also aches for the loss these families have endured. Even still, I still ask why.
I’ve been asking why all day. While I’m working, I ask why. While I’m contemplating rearranging my office space, I ask why. While I’m trying out a new recipe of chicken soup for my boys, I ask why. Then, as if to answer me specifically and not leave me in limbo, God answers me through an email my husband shared with me. A man from our church has a sister with cancer. He sent an email letting us know that she got blood work done and is in full remission.
Can I get a Praise the Lord? How about an Amen! That email was what I needed.
I serve a God who cares about me. In answering my questions, He’s shown me how much He cares for me. And for the little one year old girl that lost her mom. And for the 2 boys and 1 girl who lost their dad. He didn’t answer my why specifically, and I’m totally ok with that. He did let me know that He hears my thoughts and prayers, and gave me a little glimpse of hope on a dark day and tough moment.
Thanks for allowing me to share the beautiful and tough areas of my life. I love that I can write these feelings down, and share them with you all.
Be blessed,
-Nicole
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